February 12, 2026

Following a meal from the Kozy Kitchen consisting of a double bacon cheeseburger, tots, garlic cheese curds, and a chocolate malt, our new IT guy, Bingo, slipped into a trance state somewhere between nirvana and euphoria. Bystanders noted,

He barely made it through Ladyhawke.

Upon waking, Bingo stated,

That was the best burger I've ever had in my life. Hands down. Again. They knock it out of the park EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Nothing pretentious: just a bun, beef, cheese, bacon, lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes (I truly wish I could have had onions, but my gut sucks). Oh, and their burger sauce, whatever it is. It's perfect. Absolutely perfect. That's all you need. Screw that new place anyway; take that peanut butter bullshit back to Portland. Give me Kozy Kitchen any day of the week. EVERY day of the week. I don't care if I become morbidly obese. I'll just have someone roll me down there, with a big old smile on my face. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Kozy is delicious.

Sources say Bingo plans to reheat the remaining curds and tots this afternoon, in an attempt to regain a mere sliver of the joy conferred by his last night's repast.

To the staff at Kozy - we humbly salute you.

-- Amen